The In Between

So last night was huge night for me, probably one of the biggest, see I come from a very God loving family, so they can be very extremely judgemental or at least at times they make me feel that way. But I had huge news to tell my uncle and my aunt, and I had no clue how to tell them my knews going into it...so we had dinner and we talked forawhile and still I couldn't say it. It was dwn to the last half hour before I was about to leave and I walked up to them. very nervous and scared, but I told them. My aunt just hugged me and told me that things would be okay and that we would ge through it together, my uncle kid of acted how I thought he would, he was very quiet at first. I think he needed time to process it and find the words to say. In the end tey were happy and there for e, which is all I needed all along. I'm going through a rough time in my life, but it helps all the more if I have people that love me there for me.

I know that this is the time in my life where I need to be strong, not only for me but also for my little one. I know that my life ahead is going to be hard, and not the easiest, but thats not the part that scares me. Cause my life has never really been that easy, and I know that I'm the one that made it that way for myself. I'm more scared of being alone, I've had a man in my life since I was 13, so I guess I don't really knw who I am. So right now before I have my kid Ik now that it's important to find myself and what makes me happy, happy without a significnt other just in case I don't get the chance to have that. I want my kid to be happy and full of life, but my kid won't have that if I'm not a happy person myself.

I've decided to right a list of things that I want to accomplish in my life, by myself, with the help of others, it doesn't matter but I think that If write this list it will help me figure out the type of person I want to be and help me figure out interests, maybe interests that I lost for awhile, they can be recovered. Guys have blocked my view so long I feel like I've missed out on my life, cause their all I've cared about, I've put them before everybody and everything including myself. Which it's good to put people first but not if you don't even know yourself. Now I'm going to move forward and make things right, right for me, and right with others. I guess there's something for my list right there; find myself and listen to what others have to say. Listening is a huge thing in life, if you don't listen to what others have to say, thenyou'll never learn, because people around you know the person you've been cause they've seen you from the outside. They can help you correct yourself in so many ways. And I'm open for suggestions.

Other than being scared though Im very excited, I mean I'm having a kid. There's a little baby inside me that's growing and developing everyday. And it is such a wonderous miricle how the process works, how my body changes, and overall carrying a little life inside of me. What's more precious than that? And the life inside of me is mine, it's my baby no one elses. Of course I'll share, but I created this little life and It's a huge deal. I can't wait for the day my baby peaks it's way into the world, I'm going to be ready for it!