Keep On Fighting

It's been awhile since I've written here. I guess that's because before I was required to write in here and now Im not. Before I had to watch what I said in here, so I said everything I wanted to but in a hidden way. Well not anymore, I'm not in school anymore so now I'm going to tell it like I see it and feel it. I mean before I still very much expressed my emotions and feelings but now I'll be very straight forward and You'll know everything from get go. No more sugar coating anything, cause lets face it life is definately no picnic, never has been and it never will be.

The "End" in near and so is the "Beginning"

I would have to be the first one to say that it has been awile since I have written in here. I've had a lot going on in my life right now, and unfortunetly most of it is not the best. These last five months have pretty much for the most part been about friends. I've devoted a great amount of time to making my friends happy and being there for them, but in return I noticed that often times these friends would not have my back in return, and it was very disappointing due to the fact that I had put so much time and effort into buildings up these relationships. I did whatever I could to make these friends happy, including going to extraordinary lengths. But for what purpose? Most of them weren't true friends, most of them wanted to use me. Finally about a month and a half ago I said enough was enough and it all ended, and I mean everything. I deleted everybody's number from my phone, I didn't answer anybody's phone calls, I was a loner. Well I found that that wasn't exactly the way to go either. All the lonliness was too much I felt like the walls where caving in on me. So slowly I started to talk to my certain friends of mine again, and I found out that friends in little amounts of doses can be a good thing.
So your probably wondering what my title means, "The "End" is near and so is the "Beginning." well actually it's really very simple, school is coming to an end for me, a week and half to be exact, so that will be the end to the highschool chapter of my life. And yes there are many things that I will miss about being a teenager in highschool such as, all the faces there are so many people that go here and I know that after I walk down that Isle at Graduation that many of those faces will never again be seen by my eyes, and it's actually pretty sad. And i will miss the highschool friends that I made and the teachers i've made friends with. Most of my life I've wanted out of this place, but now I'm afraid of the big world out there, very excited, but afraid. And that's the beginning for me, I get to start a new life now, i'm going to meet a bunch of new people, have opportunities at new jobs, have a new chapter of schooling in college. Im overall very excited though. I'm growing up and that's a way of life. And I welcome the changes!

Prom: Casino Night!

Prom: A formal dance held for a high-school or college class typically at or near the end of the academic year.

Yep that would be the correct definition for PROM! I talk about prom because for me it is coming up real real soon. Actually in two weeks. And I'm super exited. I have everything planned and figured out so Im pretty happy about that. I have my hair apointment at noon, then I have to go how and get ready, then were having picture at my dates house, after that were going to the Grand March- this is were are family and friends come and we show off our dress and such we walk around our school auditorium and black box, it's great fun. Then it's off to my supper at the Country Club, which is also where my dance takes place. After prom gets over we have post-prom at the bowling alley. It's going to be great. We get the bowling alley from midnight to four in the morning.

Defintion of....

Today I'm going to do things a little bit differently. Im not going to right about of poems and quotes, today I'm going to right down a bunch of words that mean something important in my life, and then I'm going to define them for you and explain just exactly why that word is so important to me. I feel that often times people don't take the time to pay attention to the actual meaning of a word, and often times they use it in a careless matter. I hate when people do this it's so demeaning to the actual word. By doing this though, it shows you just how much or important words are to you, and what value they are to your life.

* Strength- The property of being physically or mentally strong
~ This is my number one word, in fact I plan on getting it tattooed onto the back of my neck! My life has brought me a lot of strength and I've had to use that strength to make it through of the most horrible events ever. So without my strength who know's where I would be at this moment.

* Love- To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person
~ This word is a huge part of my world. I love so many people from the bottom of my heart, sometimes I would have to htink my heart is to big. And I love being loved back on top of it all. I also know what it is like to be in love, and it's a wonderful feeling, sometimes there's pain and tears but even through all of that, if your in love there's smiles and happiness at the end of the day.

* Peace- A state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations
~ Peace to me is something of importance, often times in my life there is a lot of drama and fighting, and there is nothing worse in my life than exactly that. I try to avoid it but it often times catches up to me. So peace means a lot to me, peace between my family and I, and peace between my friends and I.

* Pain- Mental or emotional suffering or torment
~ This word is no friend of mine but is definately not a stranger either. In my life I've had to go through a lot of pain, more pain than an eighteen year old girl should ever of have to endure groing up. So this word is in my top five words due to the fact that it's no stranger.

* Truth- A fact that has been verified, the true or actual state of a matter
~ This hard is sometimes hard for me, sometimes I choose the wrong path or do something that really isn't me, but ultimately is an act of bad behavior and I have a problem confessing these things. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. I don't want to look into someones eyes and have to lie I want it to be the truth and a happy truth at that.

So there you have five very important words in my life, words that pretty much make up my life if you ask me. And some of the words are good and some of them are not so great but life isn't perfect and as far as I can tell it never is going to be, which sucks but I'm learning to deal with it just like everybody else.

It's all over

Things to me seem to be straightening themselves out. I know that I right about decisions and changes a lot, but things have changed I won't be talking so much about that after I mention this. My decisions sorted themselves out by themselves, cause sometimes you can't make them, and you just have to give time to let them sort out themselves. Now I can live my life, I know I'll continue to make hard decisions as I grow up, but these last six months my brain has been packed full of them and Its not anymore. Anyway graduation is in a little over a month and Im super excited, I'm starting the next chapter of my life! I have some good friends and a good boyfriend. Sure I've lost some good ones along the way but that's a way of life and that's what happens as you grow up. Anyway this summer I plan to check out some colleges, and check out a couple different places to live, I was thinking maybe North Carolina. My family is moving down there this summer, and I just might go with and hit up a college over there. My education Is very important to me, I lost sight of that for awhile, but now more than ever I know that it is. I have so many things I want to do, and so many things that I want to see in this world. And I figure the only way that will happen is if I have a good job and make descent money. I'm very excited for my future at this point, I can't wait to see what happens, I can't wait to see the job I get, and I can't wait to see who I marry.
Anyway today there will definately be some poems and quotes posted up in here; poems and quotes that consist of happiness. Today is a new day, and for me it's a new start and I feel really good about that. So hopefully the quotes and poems I put in here can help you find happiness just like me.

Poems

* "If love were simple why are there break-ups? If friends are supposed to be true, why do some lie? If guys are supposed to love, why are there the one's that break your heart? Everyone says things are simple then there's that one that makes it hard."
~ This one may not be the happiest, but the thing is that I can relate to it!

* "When u kissed me my whole body shook, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know where to look, I gently closed my eyes and put my hands on ur face, and I felt my heart start to race, we looked at each other and smiled in bliss, because u were my first real kiss."

* "We laughed & talked & had so much fun, but soon we will have none, we were such good friends & that u can't deny, but now we will have to say goodbye, I will miss u very much, even if I will still see u, because I know we won't be like we used to, you will go your way & I will go mine but I will think about you all the time."
I dedicate this poem to a special someone: JD

* "Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They aren't fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify or Villify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do!"

* " Inside a mind there is a story that awaits, a hurt that cant be described. Inside a mind there are thousands of memories, memories that are ancient, magical. Inside a mind there are screams of anger from the pain of a break up. Inside a mind there are favorites, enemies and love."

Quotes

*"What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life you love?"
~True story in my life!"

* "Once upon a time.....I cared."

* "Never Let The Fear Of Stiking Out Keep You From PLaying The Game!"

My Friends,My Family, My Education, My Job, and My Future!

My whole life friends and family have been the one thing that have meant the most to me! I take pride in every firend that I own and I love them dearly, and I would probably do anything for them and I do mean anything! And that's were I've always had a problem. I'll do anything to make another person happy even if it means hurting myself or putting my true feeling on the matter aside. As long as my friends are happy shouldn't I be to? And yea making my friends happy does bring me a huge joy, but I only get that joy for a couple of seconds, what about the long run? All this goes the same for my family. I would die for my family and I'm sure there are others that feel the same exact way about there family.
When I was little and in middle school I did not much care for/or about my grades and education. When I got to high school I started ed to care more, but not for the reasons that you might think. See I met this wonderful person who was excellent in school, he was always getting A's in everything, and seeing him succeed made me want to be just like him. I was proud of him and envious of him at the same time. For me school was harder I didn't have natural talents in school as far as homework goes. So it was nice to have someone to look up to and have somebody that made me strive to be better! Now education is very important to me, I can't stress enough about it, what college am I going to? What do I want to master in? What will it take? I want to get a wonderful job, a job that will keep me out of debt and keep me on my toes, a job that will support a family and much more. I can't wait to see what my future holds!

Tattoo Time...

Okay so today is going to be a little bit different from other days. Today I'm going to be looking at tattoos, lots of tattoos. See for the longest time now I've been wanting to get a tattoo but I'm not the kind of person that goes out for a spontaneous tattoo. I want my tattoo to stand for something and mean something important in my life. So I've been searching the internet and books for the perfect tattoo. And I've came up with various ideas of what I would like and where I would like to put them. So here's my list, and no I'm not going to get all of them. I just have to decide which one I am going to get.

My Tattoo List:

On my back between my two collar bones I would like to put a purplish-pink butterfly, and maybe put the word beautiful underneathe that, anyway I don't want something huge. I want it to be pretty small and petite.

On the back of my neck I would like to put a Japanese simble for strength, this is because I've wanted this tattoo for the last four years of my life, this word is the word I live by, if you don't have mind, body, and soul strength you will get ripped apart and eaten.

Down my side below my arm I would live to put a quote, I'm not quite sure which quote I want yet but it looks very pretty on a girl. And as you already know i'm a big fan of quotes and poems, so it would fit me.

I would also like to maybe put a quote on my right side of my waist, and have it rap around my hip a little bit, one of my girl friends has a cute quote right there so that's were I got the idea. It won't be a huge poetry passage or anything but just a few simple meaningful words.

I also thought about getting one between my two shoulders on the middle of my back, but for that one I have no clue what's so ever that I would put there. I guess I thoought about putting the butterfly there too, but Idk.

And last but not least I thought about getting a tramp stap, but a very unique pretty one, not some "I got drunk and don't know how it got there tattoo. My tramp stamp to would have to have meaning behind.

So as you can tell I completely want my tattoo to be on the upper half of my body. I quess I don't find lower tattoos sexy, or pretty for that matter. Anyway so I need help figuring this out, I'm sure i'll figure it out soon but it's been hard, lol.

http://www.kanjisymbol.net/search/Beautiful.html