A lot of hard decisions followed by a lot of hard decisions....

In the last couple of months I've been very successful, and it wasn't till yesterday when I was talking to one of my friends that this came to light, or that I noticed this. I mean In the last couple of months I paid off all my debt, I had a review with my job and I got a raise, and I learned my fake friends from my real friends, oh and I went through a lot of my stuff and got rid of a lot, spring cleaning anyone? I guess I'm really proud of myself and all my accomplishments but think that I hadn't noticed all of them because I had no one to share them with. For the last seven years I always had someone there that I talked to on the phone or saw everyday that I shared everything with and now I don't really have a sturdy set person in my life in which I share everything with. I wish I did, cause I love having that feeling of knowing someone's going to be there for you at the end of the day. It has now been a month since I've had that feeling, and frankly I've been a little lost, I'm like a little lamb thrown into a lions den, and its scary. I know that I always have my family there to help me with and through things, but at the end of the day I wish I had a special someone myself. Over the last month I've become very bitter about love, because it hasn't been too kind to me, but I also realize that that's what life is for, it's for love, to find love, to expierence something so wonderful. I guess I'll never give up on the hope of finding love, but I'm not looking for it anymore either. My whole expeirence of growing up I was always chacing guys and searching for the right one, well now that's over and if someday I shall come upon a man who will love me for me the good and the bad, then maybe i'll take the chance but until then I'll remain alone and by myself. I'll remain the girl who is still trying to figure out herself and her future. I know that difficult times and a lot of confusion lies ahead in my life, which is also scary but it's something I must face.

At this point in my life, being pregnant in all, I've seen my dreams change and fade dramatically. I've always been a very free spirited girl, very ambitious, I w've wanted to dabble in a little bit of everything, modeling, literature, writing my own novel, taking art classes, traveling the world, I have always had so many things that I've wanted to do in my life, before I had a kid and now it all seems impossible. And I would never blame my kid for that because I'm really excited about my kid coming into the world, it's just now I have no clue where to go or what dreams are possible for me and it's hard, confusing, and complicated, it really sucks. All I know is that at this point all I can do is take each day as it comes and hope for the best, for me and my my baby.

"When I look at You"

Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song,
A beautiful melody, when the night's so long
Cause there is no gurantee, That this life is easy (yeah)

When my world is falling apart, When there is no light to break up the dark
That's when I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore, and I cant I cant find my way home anymore
That's when I look at you

When I look at you I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong, and I know Im not alone (Yeah)

When the waves are flooding the shore, and I cant find my way home anymore
That's when I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like a Kaleidoscope colors that cover me
All I need every breath that I breathe
Don't you know you're beautiful

~Miley Cyrus

And here's a quote I found the other day that I absolutely fell in love with:

"And those who were seen dancing where thought to be insane by those who could not here the music." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Where Does It End....

So It sucks....I don't know how to let go....I don't know how to let go of the pain and anger that I've accumulated over the last four years of my life....I let it all bottle up inside me and tear me apart....and its so horrible....to carry so much baggage around all the time....I wish I could just forget and let it all go....and get it all off my chest....I want to breathe again....cause right now im not breathing and I barely even living, and it just sucks. I want to live everyday to its fullest, I only have this life to live and I don't want to waist any more time....but I just can't get past everything, it's there and it hurts every second of everyday. I wish there was someone out there that could help me get past it and figure it out, but the truth is, is that there is no one. No one but me that can get me through this....maybe if I just breathe and live everyday and keep myself out of sticky situations things will get easier, life will get easier....I hope for the best everyday.....

The In Between

So last night was huge night for me, probably one of the biggest, see I come from a very God loving family, so they can be very extremely judgemental or at least at times they make me feel that way. But I had huge news to tell my uncle and my aunt, and I had no clue how to tell them my knews going into it...so we had dinner and we talked forawhile and still I couldn't say it. It was dwn to the last half hour before I was about to leave and I walked up to them. very nervous and scared, but I told them. My aunt just hugged me and told me that things would be okay and that we would ge through it together, my uncle kid of acted how I thought he would, he was very quiet at first. I think he needed time to process it and find the words to say. In the end tey were happy and there for e, which is all I needed all along. I'm going through a rough time in my life, but it helps all the more if I have people that love me there for me.

I know that this is the time in my life where I need to be strong, not only for me but also for my little one. I know that my life ahead is going to be hard, and not the easiest, but thats not the part that scares me. Cause my life has never really been that easy, and I know that I'm the one that made it that way for myself. I'm more scared of being alone, I've had a man in my life since I was 13, so I guess I don't really knw who I am. So right now before I have my kid Ik now that it's important to find myself and what makes me happy, happy without a significnt other just in case I don't get the chance to have that. I want my kid to be happy and full of life, but my kid won't have that if I'm not a happy person myself.

I've decided to right a list of things that I want to accomplish in my life, by myself, with the help of others, it doesn't matter but I think that If write this list it will help me figure out the type of person I want to be and help me figure out interests, maybe interests that I lost for awhile, they can be recovered. Guys have blocked my view so long I feel like I've missed out on my life, cause their all I've cared about, I've put them before everybody and everything including myself. Which it's good to put people first but not if you don't even know yourself. Now I'm going to move forward and make things right, right for me, and right with others. I guess there's something for my list right there; find myself and listen to what others have to say. Listening is a huge thing in life, if you don't listen to what others have to say, thenyou'll never learn, because people around you know the person you've been cause they've seen you from the outside. They can help you correct yourself in so many ways. And I'm open for suggestions.

Other than being scared though Im very excited, I mean I'm having a kid. There's a little baby inside me that's growing and developing everyday. And it is such a wonderous miricle how the process works, how my body changes, and overall carrying a little life inside of me. What's more precious than that? And the life inside of me is mine, it's my baby no one elses. Of course I'll share, but I created this little life and It's a huge deal. I can't wait for the day my baby peaks it's way into the world, I'm going to be ready for it!

The End....

Wow 2009 was a huge year for me, but it's came to an end. My life is completely different compared to last year around this time. I lost pretty much everyone around me that I thought I was close too, and I know life changes, and people change, boy do I know. A couple great things came out of my year there, I came out with a couple of pretty great friends. Friends that know me inside and out and life is good as long as I have just one friend. What I lost was even greater, see last year in my blog I talked a lot about one person though I couldn't mention his name very much. See he was a huge part of my life, in fact I could even say he was my life, I put so much into me and him. I did however push him away due to me being I guess scared; scared of change, scared to love, and scared to leave a life I always knew behind. And I knew I had made a mistake, but it was too late for me to take it back and change it. I wish I had a time machine, I'm sure everybody wishes they had a time machine for one point of there life, the point they could return to and change the mistake that changed everything, and I am definately that person.

When I was younger I met a boy that I loved and had planned to spend my whole life with, Funny...and we were together for five long years. But my love faded, slowly and slowly, day by day. And I changed...and I've spent a lot of time thinking about what happened and what went wrong and I realized something, that's life hearts change, but also that it was young love. It wasn't the true love that you read about in fairy tales and what not; lets face it cause that never really exists. I didn't think though that I had it in me to ever love anyone else. I mean I put so much into one thing for so long and it was a major failure. I guess I was afraid for that to happen again. It's a painful thing to loose someone you love but its even more painful to loose someone who loves you. I let me being scared of getting hurt get in the way of something great, someone great, someone I could have loved forever. And your prolly wondering how I know I loved this guy unlike the other and thats easy. With this guy it was diff, I hated being away from him, I always wanted him with me, and I missed him when he wasn't with me, heck I missed him when he was beside me, just cause I knew he would have to leave and go home, or he might leave me someday forever, which is really scary. With this guy though the way I felt was different, I always wanted to look good for him and I was always excited to see him...we were a perfect match we joked about everything and we got eachother even when no one else would ever understand. He knew what I was thinking and how I felt as did I for him. We had that happy, goofy, silly kind of love. The happiness that you wish you could hold onto everyday and never let go. It was scary I never knew it existed and I had it right in front of me, you never know what you have until it's gone.

I wish there was a happy ending to this but unfortunetly happy endings are only for fairytales. See since I was afraid to love back I lost, I lost the gentle touch, the happy smiles, the silly times, the giggles, the enormous laughs, the hugs, the kisses, the simple moments, I lost it all. And it hurts everyday to think about, but the one thing that keeps me going is that I know if I ever get the chance to love and be happy like that again someday I will know better, I won't be blind to love, and I sure the hell wont push it away. Cause love is what it's all about, that's why were on this earth to love; to love our family and friends, to love our animals, and to find the one person to love your whole life, to grow old and never leave. And I believe that, I just hope its out there for me, cause it would be a shame if I never get the chance to show someone the love that I have inside of me, I have such a big heart, which means I can get hurt just as much as i love. And hopfully my heart will be filled with love!

Keep On Fighting

It's been awhile since I've written here. I guess that's because before I was required to write in here and now Im not. Before I had to watch what I said in here, so I said everything I wanted to but in a hidden way. Well not anymore, I'm not in school anymore so now I'm going to tell it like I see it and feel it. I mean before I still very much expressed my emotions and feelings but now I'll be very straight forward and You'll know everything from get go. No more sugar coating anything, cause lets face it life is definately no picnic, never has been and it never will be.

The "End" in near and so is the "Beginning"

I would have to be the first one to say that it has been awile since I have written in here. I've had a lot going on in my life right now, and unfortunetly most of it is not the best. These last five months have pretty much for the most part been about friends. I've devoted a great amount of time to making my friends happy and being there for them, but in return I noticed that often times these friends would not have my back in return, and it was very disappointing due to the fact that I had put so much time and effort into buildings up these relationships. I did whatever I could to make these friends happy, including going to extraordinary lengths. But for what purpose? Most of them weren't true friends, most of them wanted to use me. Finally about a month and a half ago I said enough was enough and it all ended, and I mean everything. I deleted everybody's number from my phone, I didn't answer anybody's phone calls, I was a loner. Well I found that that wasn't exactly the way to go either. All the lonliness was too much I felt like the walls where caving in on me. So slowly I started to talk to my certain friends of mine again, and I found out that friends in little amounts of doses can be a good thing.
So your probably wondering what my title means, "The "End" is near and so is the "Beginning." well actually it's really very simple, school is coming to an end for me, a week and half to be exact, so that will be the end to the highschool chapter of my life. And yes there are many things that I will miss about being a teenager in highschool such as, all the faces there are so many people that go here and I know that after I walk down that Isle at Graduation that many of those faces will never again be seen by my eyes, and it's actually pretty sad. And i will miss the highschool friends that I made and the teachers i've made friends with. Most of my life I've wanted out of this place, but now I'm afraid of the big world out there, very excited, but afraid. And that's the beginning for me, I get to start a new life now, i'm going to meet a bunch of new people, have opportunities at new jobs, have a new chapter of schooling in college. Im overall very excited though. I'm growing up and that's a way of life. And I welcome the changes!

Prom: Casino Night!

Prom: A formal dance held for a high-school or college class typically at or near the end of the academic year.

Yep that would be the correct definition for PROM! I talk about prom because for me it is coming up real real soon. Actually in two weeks. And I'm super exited. I have everything planned and figured out so Im pretty happy about that. I have my hair apointment at noon, then I have to go how and get ready, then were having picture at my dates house, after that were going to the Grand March- this is were are family and friends come and we show off our dress and such we walk around our school auditorium and black box, it's great fun. Then it's off to my supper at the Country Club, which is also where my dance takes place. After prom gets over we have post-prom at the bowling alley. It's going to be great. We get the bowling alley from midnight to four in the morning.

Defintion of....

Today I'm going to do things a little bit differently. Im not going to right about of poems and quotes, today I'm going to right down a bunch of words that mean something important in my life, and then I'm going to define them for you and explain just exactly why that word is so important to me. I feel that often times people don't take the time to pay attention to the actual meaning of a word, and often times they use it in a careless matter. I hate when people do this it's so demeaning to the actual word. By doing this though, it shows you just how much or important words are to you, and what value they are to your life.

* Strength- The property of being physically or mentally strong
~ This is my number one word, in fact I plan on getting it tattooed onto the back of my neck! My life has brought me a lot of strength and I've had to use that strength to make it through of the most horrible events ever. So without my strength who know's where I would be at this moment.

* Love- To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person
~ This word is a huge part of my world. I love so many people from the bottom of my heart, sometimes I would have to htink my heart is to big. And I love being loved back on top of it all. I also know what it is like to be in love, and it's a wonderful feeling, sometimes there's pain and tears but even through all of that, if your in love there's smiles and happiness at the end of the day.

* Peace- A state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations
~ Peace to me is something of importance, often times in my life there is a lot of drama and fighting, and there is nothing worse in my life than exactly that. I try to avoid it but it often times catches up to me. So peace means a lot to me, peace between my family and I, and peace between my friends and I.

* Pain- Mental or emotional suffering or torment
~ This word is no friend of mine but is definately not a stranger either. In my life I've had to go through a lot of pain, more pain than an eighteen year old girl should ever of have to endure groing up. So this word is in my top five words due to the fact that it's no stranger.

* Truth- A fact that has been verified, the true or actual state of a matter
~ This hard is sometimes hard for me, sometimes I choose the wrong path or do something that really isn't me, but ultimately is an act of bad behavior and I have a problem confessing these things. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. I don't want to look into someones eyes and have to lie I want it to be the truth and a happy truth at that.

So there you have five very important words in my life, words that pretty much make up my life if you ask me. And some of the words are good and some of them are not so great but life isn't perfect and as far as I can tell it never is going to be, which sucks but I'm learning to deal with it just like everybody else.

It's all over

Things to me seem to be straightening themselves out. I know that I right about decisions and changes a lot, but things have changed I won't be talking so much about that after I mention this. My decisions sorted themselves out by themselves, cause sometimes you can't make them, and you just have to give time to let them sort out themselves. Now I can live my life, I know I'll continue to make hard decisions as I grow up, but these last six months my brain has been packed full of them and Its not anymore. Anyway graduation is in a little over a month and Im super excited, I'm starting the next chapter of my life! I have some good friends and a good boyfriend. Sure I've lost some good ones along the way but that's a way of life and that's what happens as you grow up. Anyway this summer I plan to check out some colleges, and check out a couple different places to live, I was thinking maybe North Carolina. My family is moving down there this summer, and I just might go with and hit up a college over there. My education Is very important to me, I lost sight of that for awhile, but now more than ever I know that it is. I have so many things I want to do, and so many things that I want to see in this world. And I figure the only way that will happen is if I have a good job and make descent money. I'm very excited for my future at this point, I can't wait to see what happens, I can't wait to see the job I get, and I can't wait to see who I marry.
Anyway today there will definately be some poems and quotes posted up in here; poems and quotes that consist of happiness. Today is a new day, and for me it's a new start and I feel really good about that. So hopefully the quotes and poems I put in here can help you find happiness just like me.

Poems

* "If love were simple why are there break-ups? If friends are supposed to be true, why do some lie? If guys are supposed to love, why are there the one's that break your heart? Everyone says things are simple then there's that one that makes it hard."
~ This one may not be the happiest, but the thing is that I can relate to it!

* "When u kissed me my whole body shook, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know where to look, I gently closed my eyes and put my hands on ur face, and I felt my heart start to race, we looked at each other and smiled in bliss, because u were my first real kiss."

* "We laughed & talked & had so much fun, but soon we will have none, we were such good friends & that u can't deny, but now we will have to say goodbye, I will miss u very much, even if I will still see u, because I know we won't be like we used to, you will go your way & I will go mine but I will think about you all the time."
I dedicate this poem to a special someone: JD

* "Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They aren't fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify or Villify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do!"

* " Inside a mind there is a story that awaits, a hurt that cant be described. Inside a mind there are thousands of memories, memories that are ancient, magical. Inside a mind there are screams of anger from the pain of a break up. Inside a mind there are favorites, enemies and love."

Quotes

*"What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life you love?"
~True story in my life!"

* "Once upon a time.....I cared."

* "Never Let The Fear Of Stiking Out Keep You From PLaying The Game!"

My Friends,My Family, My Education, My Job, and My Future!

My whole life friends and family have been the one thing that have meant the most to me! I take pride in every firend that I own and I love them dearly, and I would probably do anything for them and I do mean anything! And that's were I've always had a problem. I'll do anything to make another person happy even if it means hurting myself or putting my true feeling on the matter aside. As long as my friends are happy shouldn't I be to? And yea making my friends happy does bring me a huge joy, but I only get that joy for a couple of seconds, what about the long run? All this goes the same for my family. I would die for my family and I'm sure there are others that feel the same exact way about there family.
When I was little and in middle school I did not much care for/or about my grades and education. When I got to high school I started ed to care more, but not for the reasons that you might think. See I met this wonderful person who was excellent in school, he was always getting A's in everything, and seeing him succeed made me want to be just like him. I was proud of him and envious of him at the same time. For me school was harder I didn't have natural talents in school as far as homework goes. So it was nice to have someone to look up to and have somebody that made me strive to be better! Now education is very important to me, I can't stress enough about it, what college am I going to? What do I want to master in? What will it take? I want to get a wonderful job, a job that will keep me out of debt and keep me on my toes, a job that will support a family and much more. I can't wait to see what my future holds!

Tattoo Time...

Okay so today is going to be a little bit different from other days. Today I'm going to be looking at tattoos, lots of tattoos. See for the longest time now I've been wanting to get a tattoo but I'm not the kind of person that goes out for a spontaneous tattoo. I want my tattoo to stand for something and mean something important in my life. So I've been searching the internet and books for the perfect tattoo. And I've came up with various ideas of what I would like and where I would like to put them. So here's my list, and no I'm not going to get all of them. I just have to decide which one I am going to get.

My Tattoo List:

On my back between my two collar bones I would like to put a purplish-pink butterfly, and maybe put the word beautiful underneathe that, anyway I don't want something huge. I want it to be pretty small and petite.

On the back of my neck I would like to put a Japanese simble for strength, this is because I've wanted this tattoo for the last four years of my life, this word is the word I live by, if you don't have mind, body, and soul strength you will get ripped apart and eaten.

Down my side below my arm I would live to put a quote, I'm not quite sure which quote I want yet but it looks very pretty on a girl. And as you already know i'm a big fan of quotes and poems, so it would fit me.

I would also like to maybe put a quote on my right side of my waist, and have it rap around my hip a little bit, one of my girl friends has a cute quote right there so that's were I got the idea. It won't be a huge poetry passage or anything but just a few simple meaningful words.

I also thought about getting one between my two shoulders on the middle of my back, but for that one I have no clue what's so ever that I would put there. I guess I thoought about putting the butterfly there too, but Idk.

And last but not least I thought about getting a tramp stap, but a very unique pretty one, not some "I got drunk and don't know how it got there tattoo. My tramp stamp to would have to have meaning behind.

So as you can tell I completely want my tattoo to be on the upper half of my body. I quess I don't find lower tattoos sexy, or pretty for that matter. Anyway so I need help figuring this out, I'm sure i'll figure it out soon but it's been hard, lol.

http://www.kanjisymbol.net/search/Beautiful.html

There comes a time....

There comes a time when you know that something has got to change. The seasons are changing and so are the people around you. Sometimes even your groups of friends change and maybe even your boyfriend or girlfriend. The question is, is are you going to welcome the change? Are you going to welcome the unfamiliar? I know personally for myself I have gone through lots and tuns of changes in the last four years of my life, some for the better and some for the worse. I did welcome the changes, and I was open-minded, but at the end I found someone I didn't know. See if you let to many things change you, then your going to wind up being a completely different person, somebody you don't even recognize as yourself. And I noticed the changes in myself and I thought about it. The conclusion I came to was that I was already good with the person that I had once been. So when making a change I realize that I have to ask myself a couple questions. One : Is this going to better my life or make it worse? If I make this choice what are some of the possible out comes? When I make this choice am I doing it for myself or to please others. These are all questions that I should have thought about way way back when I first started making huge decisions. I know when I was little the hardest decision for me was deciding which color of crayon should I use to color with. Today it is what do I want to be, what profession do I want? All I'm saying is that there are good changes and there are bad ones. Before you make your changes you need to look at all the factors and answer all the questions. If you don't you could end up in a bad position or a twisted mess, and trust me you will wish you would have thought harder.
Today Im going to add random poems and quotes in here, I want to mix up things a little bit!

* "An open mind is good.................. so is an open window, but we keep a screen over it to keep all of the bugs out.
~This one is a good one to put in here today it relates to everything that I just talked about!

* "When my last teardrop falls, I will stand tall, And keep all our memories, And all of what used to be.

* "Tears are unspoken words."

* "Where honor dies, Defeat lies."

* " The greatest power is the power of goodbye!"

* "What happens if you get scared to death....twice?"

* "Cry your heart out, let it all go. Cause remember, after every tear, comes a rainbow!"

* "An error isn't a mistake until you refuse to correct it."

* "I climbed up the door and opened the stairs,S aid my pajamas and put on my prayers, Then I turned off the bed and crawled into the light, All becuz you kissed me goodnight! Next morning I woke up and scrambled my shoes, Picked up my eggs and toasted the news, I couldn't tell my left from right, All becuz you kissed me goodnight! That evening at last I felt normal again, So I picked up my mother and called the phone, I spoke to the puppy and threw Dad a bone, Even at midnight the sun was still bright, All becuz you kissed me goodnight!"

* "Blind: How can I be so blind....To think that you made up your mind....Why am I so unconscious....To think to you, I'm so lucious....Am I that mislead....To think you actually meant what you said....How did I get myself into this mess....I thought it would be for the best....My point is... You don't realize how deep you get....Until you regret the day you met.."

Wow, I really love quotes and poems. They always make me feel happy even on the days when I am not. I would have to say that words put together, that actually mean something and are of great importance mean the world to me and are my favortie thing to read, write, and study! Writing poems and quotes are not just something I do in my free time because I have nothing else to do, no they're much more than that. They are my Passion!

A little post here and there

For me summer is peaking around the corner and personally I am stoked. High school will be done and out of the way for me in a couple months and I will be oonto the next chapter of my life. I've been waiting for years for this, the chance to prove and actually be an adult! I've already moved out, I have a job (maybe not the worlds best, but hey it's a job), I got a car. Now all I need to do is to figure out what college I'm going to go to, and what I want to be. I know what I want to be but somehow I feel that I won't get the chance and unfortunetly that sucks. I only say that I won't have the chance because I could be going away. Away to help this wonderful country that we have all come to love. Yea sounds like bull I know I wouldn't believe it either, but really I might do that!
Anyway this summer I plan to take some sort of a vacation, go camping, hang out with all my friends, and spend a lot of time by the pool. Hopefully I'll get to spend a lot of time with my good friend Jeremy. Over all I hope to have a really chill summer.

The Final Change

I looked back over all my blogs that I have written, as a whole and I noticed that quite often and most of the time I write about changes and making life changing decisions. And after seeing that I took a second to think about if thats all I could write about...in the end yes was my answer. See life is about changes and decisions, that's what it's all about in fact. Everyday you get up and you have to decide: what am I going to wear to do, what am I going to do today? Even though these are ittle decisions to be made they are still life changing decisions none the less. And then often times your have to make huge, giganic decisions, decisions that will definately have a huge impact on your life. Personally I hate having to make decisions...it's definately not my strong suit, but right now I'm at a point in my life were I'm going to be making a lot of decisions. Like where should I go to college, what classes should I take, where should I move to? These are such mind boggling questions. Today I have to make a final change in my life, it's going to be probably one of the hardest decisions I'll ever have to make, but it needs to be done. And once the deed is done my life will be changed forever.
Today I felt like writing quotes of happiness due to the fact that all things considered I am a very happy girl. I have lots of friends and lots of love in my life, and that's all I really ask for! All that means so much for me.

* "Love me if u wantLike me, thats fineBut if i turn u downTake a numba and get in line."

* "you can always start liking someone over and over again**~~~** but you can never stop loving someone."

* "A sharp tongue can slit its own throat."

* "Good TimesBring Back Good Memories."

* "Do not go where the path may lead.Instead go where there is no path and leave a trail

* "I do it because I can**I can because I want to**I want to because you said I couldn't."

* "If u try to chase two rabbits at once you'll end up losing them both."
Yea.......

* "A little cow wonders......"what will become of me with a name like patty?"

* "Pedestrian is just another word for speedbump!"

And there it is 9 wonderful quotes that can make a persons day, just kidding but maybe who knows. All I know is 3 things: 1. Im addicted to quotes. 2. Im addicted to poems. 3. Im addicted to writing quotes and poems. It's the sad truth!

"Im at war with the love of my life"

Have you ever had to make way to many decisions in a short period of time? Have you ever felt like you couldn't make the decision? Have you felt like you had to give up because you couldn't make that decision? And when trying to make the decision, you found yourself stuck, lost and confused? Well I feel like that right now unfortunetly and it sucks so bad. The only thing getting me through it, is that I know whatever decision I make the world still spins and the world don't end. I know that I'm going to have to make a lot of huge decisions in my life, life changing decisions in fact. And I know I'm not going to want to make a lot of them, but I just continue to hope for the best.
Anyway today I'm going to put some love poems in here, one because I haven't put up that much poetry lately and two because I'm in a loving mood! Soo here we are:

* "There are so many words I cannot say, when I look into your eyes. I want to be able to tell you one day, but I'm left speechless every time that I try.
You must have stumbled across the key, and discovered so much more. You found a hidden place in me, you found my heart and opened the door. And I cried in pain of losing my dear friend.
Will it ever be the same again? If it passes will it be the end? I realized it was worth so much, as I lie in bed that night. So I allowed my soul to be touched, without even putting up a fight. Are my eyes deceiving me, when I see you standing there? Are you playing games, just to prove I care?
You speak my name in a prelude, in a reference to love, with such loving attitude, as if it were a message from above. With the palms of your hands pressed firmly against mine, a white doves lands, and the sun begins to shine.
Someday I will see, though that day has not come yet. You'll say you love me, but will you ever forget? If that happens and my spirit dies, if my emotions drop, will you want to hold me when I cry? Or will the love just suddenly stop? We can't expect to fall in love and never cry.
You'll stay and play your part, but after the beauty starts to die, will your footprints still be on my heart? Though it would be hard to say goodbye, your friend I'll always be, as long as we always try, to keep the friendship between you and me.
The letter I will not send will casually inquire, how could you have brought it to an end? I was your one desire. After this life is over, you'll be one person I know I'll miss.
It'll be too late to start over, and so I leave you with this... I'll hold you for a lifetime, if you'll just hold my hand. We could have a wonderful time, in the days we have not yet planned."
By: B.K. + A.G.
* "I never knew there would be a better tomorrow, But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow. My days of sadness are a thing of the past, Because I have found true love at last. My days of emptiness are gone for good, Because you fill a void in my heart that you should. You've opened a window, You've shown me the light, And my love for you will continue to burn bright."
By: Yvonne Warren
* "On the wings of an eagle, My love for you flies. Soaring higher and higher, And touching the skies. I reached up above, And pulled a star from the sky. To place it within, Your precious minds eye. To dwell there forever, As my love for you. On the wings of our love, Enduring and true. I honor you my darling, With all that I am. Please darling please, Will you be my man? There are so many things, My heart wants to say. I love you sweetheart, There is no other way."
By: Jo'Lene Tover
* "A gentle brush of his fingers, Sending shivers down my spine. In the love I see in his eyes, Is a love that equals mine. He greets me with a smile, And leaves me with a kiss. If he were to ever leave me, I couldn't imagine what I'd miss. Maybe it's his touch, Or the way he makes me feel.
But whatever it is, I'm head over heels."
By: Danyka A. Hoover

And there you have it, true, deep, love poems!

Tragedy Hits Home

Today is going to be a little bit different, I'm not going to put up just any old quotes today. My qoutes arn't going to be about happiness or love. My quotes are going to be rather sad or emotional, I don't really know how to word it. See a boy that I went to middle school with died on Tuesday the 10th, he was three months shy of graduation, he had a girlfriend, lots of friends, and lots of family. My condolenses go out to his family. Tyler Toll was a nice kid, he was pretty quiet from what I knew about him. Now I haven't seen him in years, but that doesn't change the fact that I know him. He was an eighteen year old boy, just like me, except I'm a girl, but any kid that dies at such a young age is a very devistating expeirence. I was at work when my mom called and told me that tyler had pssed away. It's kind of an out of body expeirence when you find out someone you know has died. The first thing that runs through your head is wow is he actually gone? How could a kid so young die? Who would allow a kid this young to die? You just have all these why's fill your head. You even have second thoughts about it not being real, I mean why would you wan something like this to be real. Your mind won't let it. And then eventually it will hit you that he's gone and it's overwhelming. Can you tell that I've gone through quite a few deaths in my life? Truth be told my step father died, and we were pretty close, closer than me and my actual father. I was completely devastated, and I still am. I think about him everyday. I don't understand why some of the best people in life have to die, but the good thing out of it is that they're going to a better place. I mean what else do I have to believe, I can only help for the best for the people that leave this world. There has to be something better out there; A place where no one hurts, feels pain, or cries. There has to be a place of complete happiness I truely believe that!

I dedicate this post to Tyler Toll and all his loved ones! And also to every person who has ever lost somebody so precious to them!

Blog About Bloging About Bloging

Yesterday we were asked to blog about blogging. What we may or may not like about blogging? Why we blog? What bloging actually means? What we think about blogging? And how things are different now then when we first started blogging? So I guess I will start with the first question and work my way through, maybe you can get to know me even just a little bit more through my answers.
Personally as a person I love to blog. Before I was told to blog for my class however I did not. Not cause I didn't want to blog or anything but because I didn't really know anything about it or how to even set it up.When we were given the assignment to start blogging however I was not dissapointed or angry about it. I welcomed the opportunity to blog and have like my own online journal. I have always been one to love any type of writing whether in school or on my own. Writing is who I am, and if we didn't have words we wouldn't have anything at all. So all in all I thought that blogging was a tremendous idea, especially for me. I rather write all my feelings and thoughts onto the internet into my own little blog rather sit around and writing in a journal or diary.
The reason why we blog, or what I've gotten out of it, is so that we build up our writing skills. And maybe use bigger words, you know broaden our horizons. And I would have to agree that blogging has helped me to type faster and to increase the amounts or harder words that use. I personally blog to put how I feel out there and show my love for poetry and writing. Blogging has been such a positive expeirence for me.
What does blogging mean? The definition answer for it is: "an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a web page." Blogs are typically updated daily; and they usually reflect the personality of the blogger. A lot of people, in their blogs, post personal expeirences about themselves and sometimes even their favorite hobbies.
I think blogging is a good idea. It gives us kids and even adults a chance to say what ever you need to say or get out whatever emotion you need to get out. You can right whatever you want to and no one can really critisize you for it because they don't know you. You can tell the whole world about whatever you want and you know that it's all going to be okay. It's harder to tell someone you know something, than rather someone you don't know. Well at least in my opinion.
When I first started blogging I really didn't know what to expect or how much information about myself I should give out. And I didn't really get the whole idea of blogging, I didn't think that I should tell anybody about myself because I thought that somehow it would get back to me. You know what though, as I went along blogging I knew that I didn't have to talk about myself directly but that people could find out what kind of person I was through my writing and how I took my approaches and different topics. People can really see the true you through your writings and your beliefs!

So Sick

It's been a moment since I've writen but I've had quite a bit of stuff going down in my. Have you ever woke up one morning and you feel like a new person , like everything around you is changing not neccessarily for the bad nor the good, but you get the feeling that things are going to be different from that momet on. Well about two weeks ago this happened to me. I felt like a new person like something new came over me. For the longest time I have been, I guess you could say trying to be something I'm not and I've been trying to get back to the true me. And the other day I woke up and I felt like that perso again, the person I once was and I have even been acting like her. And I have been super proud that I found that girl in me again. I'm sure everybody can relate.

Three Days: Party Time

This is the second day to my three days blog entry. In my love dies entry, you got to see the sad not so happy part of me. These three days represent three different me's or different parts of me at least. At first I was extremely sad, then I decided to get rid of the sadness and anger by partying, because we all know partying solves everyones problems. And yes that may be true, but t's only true the night that your partying, because lets face it you have to wake up the next day when it's not a party and feel all the problems that you had before, heck sometimes it's even worse. sometimes you get a hang-over on top of it and you did, and said something stupid the night before. Something so stupid that you have more problems then before you started partying. Anyway In order to bring the "happy me" back and drownded myself in friends because friends are truely my life support, I have so many that would have my back in a life or death situation and that's good to know. So today there won't be any sad depressing love poems, there will be happiness renewed poems. They will be poems about friends and well happiness.

~A Friend is Like A Flower: A friend is like a flower,a rose to be exact,Or maybe like a brand new gatethat never comes unlatched.A friend is like an owl,both beautiful and wise.Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,whose spirit never dies.A friend is like a heart that goesstrong until the end.Where would we be in this worldif we didn't have a friend. - By Emma Guest

~Friends: As we walk our path of life,We meet people everyday.Most are simply met by chance.But, some are sent our way. These become special friendsWhose bond we can't explain;The ones who understand usAnd share our joy and pain. Their love contains no boundaries.So, even we are apart.Their presence enhances usWith a warmth felt in the heart. This love becomes a passageway,When even the miles disappear.And so, these friends, God sends our way,Remain forever near.

~A Special Friend: You've touched my heart,You've helped me through,My pain and sorrow,which weren't too few. You shared my smiles,and my tears.You were always there,to squelch my fears. To you my friend and confidant,I give my heart of love,My smiles of laughter,and the hope that,We will remain friends,forever and after.Cherished Friends God must have know there would be times we'd need a word of cheer,Someone to praise a triumph or brush away a tear.He must have known we'd need to share the joy of "little things"In order to appreciate the happiness life brings.I think He knew our troubled hearts would sometimes throb with pain,At trials and misfortunes, or goals we can't attain.He knew we'd need the comfort of an understanding heartTo give us strength and courage to make a fresh, new start.He knew we'd need companionship, unselfish....lasting....true,And so God answered the heart's great need with Cherished Friends....like you!!

And there we are with three very special poems! Special friendship poems I should say. In my life friends truely are everything, if I didn't have them I would have nothing!